Stalking, social networks and scripts

Jun. 24th, 2017 11:24 am
samvara: Photo of Modesty Blaise with text "All this and brains as well" (Default)
[personal profile] samvara
*taps mic* is this thing still on?

Two things
  1. I'm gonna need to vent for a few days (weeks?) until I stop having all these feelings
  2. This was SO MUCH LESS HORRIBLE because I had support and advice and information so I am paying it forward.
In brief: I went to a tech conference, I got a call in my hotel room on my hotel phone at 11pm from a man with an American accent who said he’d been watching me, it looked like I was having fun in my hotel room, and how about he join me in my hotel room. I declined and hung up. My chat group validated my initial horrified reaction and supported me through calling hotel security, getting my room changed, and his eventual discovery and expulsion from the hotel.

On stalking: It is never OK to do this kind of thing, it is not funny, it is not sexy. It made me feel unsafe. It meant the next day, until he was gone, that I second-guessed every interaction at that conference (of which men were probably 90% of the attendees) and wasted a lot of energy managing anxiety when I could have been benefiting from that very expensive conference ticket. I’m probably going to be having feelings about this for a long time.

On social networks: I was too busy being half awake and alarmed to have an effective response when this happened. It took time to process, it was my social network who prompted me through calling security and requesting the room change, I asked for my conference ID badge to be redacted on my own, but it took a few hours before I was thinking strategically and not just feeling overwhelmed. They validated my feelings, made me feel like it was OK to ask for what I needed, and meant I never felt alone.

THANK YOU.

Treasure the good people you meet in your life, nurture those relationships and share your strength when you can.

On scripts: Being prepared, having a response, knowing what I could say or do or expect can make a huge difference to my emotional well being, and to how I choose to act. It enables me to act rather than freeze up in difficult situations, it means I can protect myself, and it means I can stand up for myself and others.

My proposed future Script
  1. Complain to hotel security, that’s what they are for
  2. Request a room change, a different room when someone creepy knows where you are is A Good Thing.
  3. Complain to the police - I am sad I did not do this, awful!person could have been going home with a police record that might contribute to a future someone’s safety.
This is gonna work better from some humans than others, I’m going to wield being a white woman-ish person as hard as I can given it’s what I have to work with.

On positive action: One of my coping strategies is to try and find a positive action I can do, it helps me channel fear and anger into something that generates better feelings, and makes me feel less helpless when faced with something awful. My positive actions for this event are:
  • To share this with you; may this be in some way useful or empowering for you
  • To inoculate my workplace (via complaining about this a lot) in order to a) share my script with female coworkers and b) let my male coworkers know this is not OK and has consequences.
  • To reflect on how lucky I am to have such excellent support networks, that there were responsive hotel staff, and supportive conference staff
Chat transcript )
 

Gah. The End.

Some memes

Jun. 20th, 2017 10:56 pm
aome: (mischief managed)
[personal profile] aome
First off: The Hardest HP Quiz Evar. I got a 96: Magical Prodigy (76-100): You've got fingers full of magic and a mind like a steel trap! Hermione has nothing on you.

Could you pass a 4th grade science test? Apparently yes: I got a 98%. (It really wasn't a difficult quiz, unlike other quizzes that sound deceptively easy until you try it, like naming capitals of countries you don't know much about.)

A survey meme gacked from [personal profile] meathiel:

Random questions are random )


And a short high school meme, gacked from [personal profile] hamsterwoman:

Favorite subject? )

School is OUT. Should I rejoice or weep?

Good news:
MiniPlu got an A on her bio final today, yay! Geometry and Latin still pending.

Two got on the honor roll again because his only C was for his extra remedial reading class, which is considered an elective and thus doesn't "count." (Kid with straight Bs except one A and the non-counting C gets on honor roll, while my honors student with a 3.65 GPA doesn't get any official acknowledgement. Go figure.)

Bad news:
Upstairs a/c died this morning. We ended up getting several small window a/c units for the bedrooms so nobody steams to death at night. I didn't really care that much - I grew up with worse - but both men in this house would have been unable to sleep in the heat. Unfortunately, the long-term fix is probably going to mean replacement, which is going to cost many many $$$$. Sigh.

Time to crash: must be at hospital at 8am, whee. I'm already hungry but it's getting close enough to the food/drink cutoff that I think I'll just wait. Meh. Stupid polyp.

The end is near

Jun. 19th, 2017 07:40 pm
aome: (brain)
[personal profile] aome
The end of the school year, that is. Ends tomorrow at lunch. MiniPlu's got one final left (biology) and then she's freeeeee! She already has the results back from her honors history final last week (90%) and her public speaking final from this morning (A - exact score not given), but we're anxiously awaiting the results of her geometry final (and, to a much lesser extent, Latin II).

Two bombed his math final (the only final he had), sigh, but still managed to keep a B for his grade, so we rewarded him as promised with some Nerf guns, markers and - of all things he wanted - a poker chip set.

I can't believe he's about to be in 8th grade. O_o

Summer parenting preview, ergh )

My last subbing was last Thurs; I was at the middle school, with the same 6th-grade English class I'd had in April. This time they were doing a Civil War unit; last time they were doing the Black Death - a full range of cheerful topics! ;-)

Father's Day was fairly low-key here. I let Will sleep in and spend the day how he wanted (exercise), aside from briefly helping me with yard stuff that was too heavy for me. I mowed, pruned roses, sprinted through the grocery store, then we went to Two's guitar recital )

After the recital, we rushed home so I could throw dinner together - salmon (Will's request), with roast potatoes. As a side note, I was working from two bags of potatoes when making the cubed roast potatoes; one bag was older, and, let me tell you, a potato that has started to rot smells HORRIBLE. We were hastily lighting scented candles just to get rid of the sense that something had barfed and then immediately died in the kitchen. :-P

But, anyway, Rob had made a massive meatloaf while we were at the recital, for the benefit of those who didn't like salmon, so there was more than enough food for everyone, although, despite my cooking nearly 3 lbs of salmon, there was still some fork-stabby fighting over who got the last piece. ;-)

I finished reading another of the Aunt Dimity books: Aunt Dimity and the Buried Treasure (which actually came before the one I read the previous week, but I didn't realize I'd missed one when I read ...and the Widow's Curse). Again, typical fare for this series, but much enjoyed, especially as this involved digging more into Dimity's past.

I also finished reading The Raven Boys - this took me awhile because I kept stumbling into other books and reading them first, while still mid-Raven Boys. Short version: I really liked it. I didn't have any trouble with the author's writing style at all, like some of you said you did. More thoughts under here )

I look forward to the next book, definitely!

Meanwhile, I'm reading the third (and final) book in the Very Nearly Honorable League of Pirates series, and it continues to be delightful fun.

Oh, and speaking of fun: this hilarious mother/daughter exchange, is hilarious. Dunno if it's "legit" or not, but I don't care. It's still hilarious. (Keep scrolling down - it's not just the lone screencap.)

Ok, gotta go help MiniPlu study for her bio final. Home stretch!

Another tumblr meme!

Jun. 17th, 2017 11:27 am
alias_sqbr: Darkwing Duck (dw!)
[personal profile] alias_sqbr
Tagged by [personal profile] anghraine. I am amused that the format make it seem like the meme is self consciously stuttering.
Read more... )

Cam has a job!

Jun. 14th, 2017 05:27 pm
alias_sqbr: A stick figure doing cartwheels saying "Yay" (yay!)
[personal profile] alias_sqbr
Still working from home as a software engineer, but for an Aussie company this time.

Updates

Jun. 12th, 2017 12:16 pm
aome: (what would you have me do)
[personal profile] aome
1. There were more tears from MiniPlu the day after the academic awards ceremony when she learned (from her friends who were there) that those who had been given the "smart cookie" award (3.875+ GPA) were given, in addition to a certificate and a cookie, a varsity letter. An actual varsity letter. (My high school did award one for the performing arts, after you'd participated for 3 years, not just for varsity sports, but it's a new one for me to hear about "varsity academics".) But since then, MiniPlu has done her best to sit on her feelings and put it behind her, at least long enough to get through her final exams.

2. Saw PotC: Dead Men Tell No Tales on Friday afternoon with Will. Not as good as the first one, but definitely better than the 4th one, and we both completely enjoyed it. Doesn't hurt that the guy playing Will/Elizabeth's son, Henry, is quite handsome. ;) If you saw the movie and want to discuss details, leave a comment.

3. Saw Wonder Woman on Sunday. Apparently I'm a failure as a feminist because while I really DID enjoy it, I don't feel compelled to hail it as the Best Movie For Women Evar, as many people seem to be doing. But as a superhero movie, it was fun and enjoyable, it was nice to see Chris Pine in something that's not Star Trek, and Gal Gadot is amazing for doing it while pregnant. Spoilery comments under here )

On a mostly unrelated note, one of the stupid things I noticed about the movies I saw over the weekend was that the lead characters had brown eyes. Gorgeous, warm, dark brown eyes. There are so many (yes, beautiful) light-eyed celebrities out there, that I just loved they'd cast brown-eyed ones. Stupid, I know, but as someone WITH brown eyes, I notice things like that.

4. I read Aunt Dimity and the Widow's Curse, the latest in a cozy mystery series I like. I actually accidentally missed the previous book, which I went back for in the library and am reading now.

5. My glasses had a bad weekend. Repairable and not )

6. Cervical polyp surgery, which was scheduled for Wed, has to be rescheduled because of my body's poor sense of timing: monthly issues mean no surgery. Argh. Oh, and I have a mammogram today, for further kicks and giggles.

Which means I need to eat lunch and get out the door. It's hot and humid outside and I'm not allowed to wear deodorant before getting my boobs smushed. Great combination. :-P

How are you?

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